Washing

Tummy and legs, tummy and legs,
where does the farmer keep his eggs?
Back & arms, back & arms,
he keeps them warm in little barns!
Cows and calves, lambs and sheep
how many pigs does the farmer keep?
How many pigs does the farmer keep!
Enough questions—come back next week!

I’ll eat your ears

I’ll eat your ears, I’ll eat your ears!
they’re so tremendously delicious I’ll eat them I fear.
I’ll nibble your toes, do you suppose
if you were royal I’d eat garter and nose?
Oh hold your nose, forget the toes, no need to despair,
I won’t eat your hair; but, if I change gears I’m certain
I’ll try to eat your ears. Li’l nibbly, oh so squibbly,
wobbly bobbly, excellently gobbily—I insist you hear
me sing my dear—just before I eat your ears!
They’re sweeter than sugar bugs in my beer,
indeed I can’t resist, the wonderful taste of that and this,
why if you were Dumbo, I’d be shaking at the knees,
Abe Lincoln I’d give you more than a squeeze,
Prince Charles has nothing to compare to these—
I just gotta start to tease at these
sweet tasty little ears—STAND BACK!
THEY’RE MINE!!

Hot Red Pepper Jelly!

Oh Dad it is so good to hear from you
when you are far from home
even though you are in the car
and calling on your phone
yes Dad I can hear you loud and clear
your words go in and out each ear,
no Dad we did not drink your beer!
And no! we didn’t eat your hot red pepper jelly!

We helped ourselves to pork rinds, chips and guacamole.
We toasted dogs, roasted cats, mashed pertaters oh so slowly.
We even unwrapped some very odd cheese—
which we tossed ’cause it was oh so smelly—
what’s that Dad, I can’t hear you ’cause you’re all yelly!
Dad we promise, we didn’t touch your hot red pepper jelly!

We spread a sarong with an ointment we made
from ammonia, machine oil and lemonade.
We baked canned tomatoes in the oven quite long,
we expect they’ll be done before we finish this song.
Yes, I’ve heard every word you have spoken—
no Dad there isn’t anything we’ve been smokin’—
our conscience is clear, unlike your pay telly,
but honest Dad, we would never touch your
smelly, rotten old, nasty, hot red pepper jelly!

I Love You
(sung to the tune of This Old Man)

I love you, through and through
I love you ’cause you’re true blue
with the sky and the sea
up above and down below
I love you cause that’s all I know

I love you, yes I can,
I love you ’cause you’re my man
with a run and a jump
I will follow you
run and catch you faster than

I love you, cause you’ve got ears
ears that match and ears that hear
a little night time song
that I will sing to you
I love true blue ears that are stuck on you

I love you, now, then, when
love you like a big fat hen,
with a peck, cluck, scratch,
I’ll lay an egg for you
look at all you put me through

I love you, in a canoe
I love you cause you’re true blue
with a paddle and a song
and a wave to make it through
you and I, we’ll make it through

I love you. Yes I do,
now my song is almost through,
close your eyes
snuggle in bed
let sweet dreams come and fill your head

(spoken)
hear my voice, very low,
I will tell you what I know,
you are mine, I am yours
I love you cause you’re true blue
you and me,
we’ll make it through.

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