LION
meat tenderizer

LOON
Canadian laugh track
in the wild

MINK
doesn’t walk
minkses

MONKEY
no matter what you do
don’t make no monkey of me

MOUNTAIN GOAT
Anthony Weiner syndrome:
climb as high as you can
make a goat of yourself

NERD
secret ambition to be a wild animal
secret fate: poodle

NIGHTCRAWLER
what is on your foot
when you fall asleep

OCTOPUS
another metaphor
most times, clichéd

OWL
night bird
great for Scrabble

PENGUIN
a compass
my proof:
the only bird that cannot fly South
therefore,
the only bird that always flies North

PORCUPINE
somebody’s aunt’s pin cushion
just waddled by
and we would appreciate it if
it would return to its owner
it’s eating our porch

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