in Peggy Rajaski’s film
Trevor is dead on the front lawn
a butcher knife in his back, then
equally mort in his Marat tub
Trevor’s clever suicidal theatrics forebode

Trever is all Harold and Maude confused
about gender and death
and where he fits in to his community

in the struggle to navigate
that eddy’s around his young bones
he fights himself away from his own identity
eventually thinking himself a villain
and becoming an enemy in his own skin

his parents attempt to purge his path
with a Dairy Queen Minister
who only muddies Trevor’s water
with deep binary platitudes
and the simultaneous stumbling
of someone in their own purgatory of denial
murkily dressed up as knowledge

outed, shamed and abandoned by all at school
Trevor experiences a loss of innocence
and with no representations that reflect his identity
sees no Diana Ross escape route
until he wakes up
on the other side of desperation
and an aspirin overdose

to discover
a friendly young wise man
Trevor recognizes him
as being from the same tribe

as though his entire childhood
had been spent
on an endless dessert
and an endless search
with no water in sight

salvation as small
as the recognition
of belonging

not every gender battle
is a loss

Trevor, Peggy Rajski, 1994

Michael Dennis