Racky Rocky, quite a name, isn’t it? Got some poetry
to it, unlike some of the names the high and mighty
end up livin’ wit’. Actually, it’s short for Raconteur
Raccoon, get it? It’s all on account of all the talkin’
I like to do, people say I can’t shut up, but it’s all shtick
for when I go through their pockets without their noticin’
nice watch by the way, here you might want that back.
Yeah, I grew up with a magician dad and a mom who
said she was a gypsy. Cards were second nature by
the time I was one, sleight of hand I knew from birth.
Irregrettably, I suffered the pitfalls of a wild youth
and was arrested on a couple of vagrancy charges,
which didn’t matter much, but then I got popped
for pickpocketin’. I was an idiot, acted as my own lawyer,
argued it was compulsive behavior, I needed therapy
not punishment. The court disagreed and rewarded me
with three months jail time, which for a raccoon’s no
laughin’ matter, then 6 months of community service.
For the record, I would have done that on my own
considerin’ it was pickin’ up trash in public parks.
When I was in the can, what did I get? Therapy.
Once I got out I swore I was never goin’ back in.
You want a career in film, you’re doomed to live
on the street, unless you’re one in a million.
Me, I can live on the street no problem, but that’s
what therapy does for you, it helps clarify your goals.
Now, I work kid’s parties, banquets, conferences,
things like that. I can’t tell you how much doctors laugh
when I lift their wallet, return it while I take off
their tie without them noticing, and when I put that back on,
their weddin’ ring’s on it. One guys almost died in front of me
he laughed so hard. That, and he needed to consider a diet,
give up the cigarettes and booze, which for a doctor, you
would think would be an easy sell, but go figure, he was
on vacation, or convention, whatever they call it. I’m tellin’ you
I almost killed the guy. Plus, once, it would have been a struggle
to return this ring, here you go, or not take a little somethin’
shiny, like this lovely watch, oops, didn’t I give that back to you
before? But now, after my therapy, I’m over that and it’s all
about the laughs. And the stories. Did you like the stories?
Say, you recognize this necklace? Here you go. You see?
It’s all about the laughs. The shtick is all the stuff that
happens before I make you laugh. Shtick is the story
ordinary folk pay for. Listen. Without shtick, life is a state
where squares keep waitin’ for magic to happen.
(aside)
Listen, why don’t you have protection with you?
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m concerned for you
your well bein’. You’re goin’ around, askin’ a lot of
questions, there are things that should be left alone,
some things too rotten for even a raccoon to stomach.
People are noticin’, they don’t want these things
talked about, I’m just sayin’, take care of yourself, OK?
You seem like a nice kid.

<Raconteur Raccoon’s portraits are copyright Lianne Côté. You can visit Lianne at https://cotedesign.net/play_01.html. Thank you Lianne! All I asked for was a character and you brought RR to life! wm>