Archives for posts with tag: Bestiary

RACCOON
strong argument
for inherited character defects
(doomed to rob the moment
they put on the mask)

SHARK
natural tax

STEER
mighty big cow
lotta hamburger on the hoof
looks good enough to eat
can’t wait to kill ya!

UNICORN
legends walk
myths ride unicorns

VOLE
thoroughly obnoxious animal
electric razor with fur

WALRUS
Old Man of the Sea
with gumboots

WOODPECKER
undercover forest spy
always losing its job

X
extinct
more animals than any other letter

YAK
silent herd mentality

ZEBRA
fashionable
even before being discovered

ZOO
another human project

LION
meat tenderizer

LOON
Canadian laugh track
in the wild

MINK
doesn’t walk
minkses

MONKEY
no matter what you do
don’t make no monkey of me

MOUNTAIN GOAT
Anthony Weiner syndrome:
climb as high as you can
make a goat of yourself

NERD
secret ambition to be a wild animal
secret fate: poodle

NIGHTCRAWLER
what is on your foot
when you fall asleep

OCTOPUS
another metaphor
most times, clichéd

OWL
night bird
great for Scrabble

PENGUIN
a compass
my proof:
the only bird that cannot fly South
therefore,
the only bird that always flies North

PORCUPINE
somebody’s aunt’s pin cushion
just waddled by
and we would appreciate it if
it would return to its owner
it’s eating our porch

GOAT
as in old
as in eats anything
not necessarily human
only acts that way

GEESE
reek of dignity

GEEKS
more than human
less than goats

GOLDFISH
sound better than they taste

HAROLD
a friend of mine
even though he is human
Harold belongs in a zoo

HONEYBEE
sweets for the sweet
the sting comes later

INSECT
representative of the insect kingdom

IGUANA
fictitious reptile name coined
by Central and South American poets
to rhyme with marijuana

JAGUAR
there are some things
you don’t want to ride in

JELLYFISH
something even Bill Cosby
couldn’t sell

KANGAROO
purse mounted on
a pogo stick

KOALA BEAR
and God created:
a tourist industry icon,
endless National Geographic moments,
posters that say, “Hang In There, Buddy”

DOG
invention of the pet food industry
the litter no one wants to talk about

DOLPHIN
smart as a man?
insist it isn’t so

DUCK
makes great cartoon characters
due to innate bad manners

DWEEZIL
little known bug
needs higher profile

ELEPHANT
brain, subject of poetry
trunk, object of curiosity
shit, enormous

EAGLE
on American money
an armed predator

EEL
metaphor

ELK
Loyal Order, or herd,
hard to tell the difference

FENDER BENDER
not necessarily an animal
but can create one

FISH
our national disgrace

FOX
more
than just a piece of tail

FIELD MOUSE
venerable
keeps on surviving

FROGS
builders, you hear them
at night, riveting

ANTS
will never wear pants

ANTELOPE
if an antelope can, it will
if it can’t, then it cantelope

BEAVER
loves to eat trees
it’s surprising
beavers aren’t bigger

BABOON
invite to dinner a baboon
I’ll be gone by noon

BILGE RAT
in every harbor, a girl
in every man, a bilge rat

BOXER
dog that fights clichés

CAPON
General Custard’s revenge

CAT
invention of the pet food industry
the litter no one wants to talk about

CATFISH
how could something so ugly
live so long
must be a lesson here

CROW
crows walk through fields
too lazy to fly
crows walk through corn
torn pages from a book

COYOTE
underappreciated
North American fast food

COW
before sanitization and pasteurization
only way to keep milk fresh

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