My father would always tell me,
“When the winds are high,
gales busting down windows,
when the heavens open, fire
pours down and people swear
it’s the end of the world,
that’s when you want to buy new tires.
There’s no waiting then. And make sure
they throw in putting them on and
balancing them properly, you might
as well not buy new ones if they’re
not properly balanced.”
This was how he would always preface
good advice about buying things.
Nothing like look for deals, bargain
as if your life depended on it, no
he’d begin by intoning,
“When the winds are high …”
and I knew I’d find out something
useful to know in case the end of the world
actually occurs, the gates of Hell
open and the Four Horsemen gallop out,
because that’s when you go to Costco,
no one’s going to be there
and you’ll shop hassle free.
There’s advice about how to buy a used car
and there’s advice about how to buy a used car
during the apocalypse, and that’s good advice.
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